it's amazing how this year has changed everything.
just recently, something i never expected to happen, happened.
it's amazing, how something i've been praying so hard for, finally happened.

friendships have strengthened, some lost along the way or becoming distant. and as VCE is nearing, i'm finally finding out who my true friends are and if they are the relationships i want to keep in the future.

The homework load is piling, exams are in less than two weeks, inspiration to study? zero to none. motivation to procrastinate? a hundred percent.

and the worst thing is, it's not even year 12 yet.

i seriously need to stop eating....





BUT IM SO HUNGRY OMG D:

the one i've been through it all with.
maths crisis', shopping dilemmas, dieting techniques, and all the gossip.

love you, Kathy Cheng.

a new year, and new decade.
haven't been writing in this for ages, and all these memories have just come and gone, in a blink of an eye.

friendships have been broken, some strengthened, and ones that have just bloomed.
two years of studying hardcore await me, seriously can't wait until it's 2012, and i'll reflect upon this experience as if it was a roller coaster through my emotions and mentally as well.

high school's a bitch. and it never will stop being one.
fight fire with fire, right?
i'll get through this.
i have to.

it's the first time that i actually care about sport
so here i am staying up til 6:30 am,
waiting on a goal.
waiting on a win.

you said you were full of regrets...

well guess what, so am i..
i regret not saying yes..
i regret the times where i've ignored you..
i regret the times where i needed you the most, and i just pushed you away..
i regret when i had the chance, and i stuffed it all up..

you said i'll find someone else, thats better than you...
but i don't want anyone else.

even if i'm a tad late.

Happy Birthday to two of my most favourite people
Chris & Gloria

it's a new year
a new decade. 
hopefully this year will be the greatest year yet.
even if it started off poorly,
let's let it reach it's climax

Because it feel's like insomnia. oh oh ohhh.

nearly a whole month sleeping at 5am
starving my ass off
feeling darkness just eating me up

to the point where my stomach is failing
and the eyebags just keep getting bigger

where's the end of my road?
because all it seems right now is rocky and neverending.
boring, simple, useless?
the things around me a beautiful and bright.
so many opportunities, so many things to do.
but why am i so sick of everything.
sick of life?

i'm not giving up.  
i'm holding on.

but why does it seem like there's no one waiting for me at the end?

why are you making my life so much harder?
does it make you feel good about yourself, when you go around putting words in my mouth?
did you want to make me feel like the bad one?
why are so heartless?

i've said sorry. i've tried to talk to you. i even confronted you today.
did you have to push my arm away so hard? 
can't you just grow up and say what you want to say to my face? instead of to other people?
do you think i'm that much of an idiot to not realise how your status on facebook is related to me?
do you think i'm that stupid?
what do you think anyway?

i didn't feel like doing anything today.
i don't want to shed any more tears because of your endless bitching.

should i give up?
... i don't know. 
i don't know anything.


.... maybe i'll just hold on that tiny bit more.

We're missing you already.
u're going soon.
on ur way to hong kong
It is your final last three days in Australia.

i will love & miss u forever.
dont think bout forgetting me and
remember to keep in touch where ever you are.

for goodness sakes. grow up.
don't go acting like the whole world loves you, because sorry hun, whether you like it or not, not every does.
you have no right to go and say those things to her. just because you're jealous people actually don't find her annoying and actually like her, don't go giving her crap because people don't even want to give you that tiniest bit which you ache so much for.
open your ears and use you're brain. stop being such an attention seeker and listen to your voice screeching.
i get bloody headaches just hearing you sing.
so what some stuff might not be as perfect as you think, why don't you go do it yourself then? stop calling me and the others for advice and help on your homework just because you're to damn stupid to even think of doing it yourself.
how on earth are you going to get through life thinking that you can copy and live off somebody else's answers. well guess what?
you copy off us, but we still get better.
and no matter how hard you want to beat us, we're still way ahead of you.
stop acting like a kid, grow up, grow some ears, and a brain along the way
and stop being the hypocrite you are.

i saw how friendly you two acted a few days ago. it was nice seeing a rightful smile implanted on your face (:
i'm going to push all the jealousy, wants, needs, hurt behind and just smile.
smile because for once you're happy.
you're finally happy.
and i'm going to be happy for you.
♥




Maybe i'll wait for you...
time can tell.

i had my chance. i was an idiot. i wasn't thinking. i should've realized how much it meant to me. i'm sorry for all the mistakes, for all the times i've hurt you. i realise now, how much i regret saying no. i wish i had said yes. is it this jealousy that's hovering over my mind, my heart. is it because i was too afraid to admit it? is that why i said no? or is this just another stupid phase that will pass in a few days? it's been ages now. this sure is a long phase. i'm trying to be happy. i'm trying to be happy for you. i wouldn't be able to give you the happiness you have right now. i really wish you the best and the happiness will last forever.




i really hope this phase passes by as soon as possible.

Day before term 2 school starts.
i know gay. urgh whatever. i just like finished my whole fat chink 40 page booklet. which i suppose ms liu wanted us to do over the holz so we can ace our chink test but like SIF the booklet did much anyway, it was just an excuse to get more time x) tehee.

yeah organising my SHINee pics atm :) since it's like everywhere bit nd pieces here and there. sigh. it's taking MUCH longer than expected when it takes up most of you computer hardrive =.="

photoshop cs4 is awesome :) but it laggs. you see someone could've told me that it lags so that i had to drag it onto the tab for atleast 10 seconds before it would drag on. yeh and i still dont no how to make it smaller. i'm such a noob ^^" nawww but me nd shaz's r like full on nooobs at gmail LOL.

yeh u no blogging is really useles.. it's not like anyone reads anyway~ whatever. i'll use this as a raging page :) ahahaha ofc. WIN :P now this just makes myself look like i'm talkin to my self. sighhhh~ so is this what people with no lives do? :O

Lolli - lolli - lii ohhh lollipop. hahah amanda :) u no u love it.

About half a week ago. i was sitting in the hall where Fusion was assigned. yeah, i was tired, angry, pissed off, depressed and stressed. i wanted my ipod, my food, my sleep, my bed, my computer, my music, etc. i realize now that i had been so stupid and stubborn. selfish. i should not have been thinking of the distractions. no. I should have been thinking about how the next few days would be. i would have to experience Jesus', though not even 0.1 % of what he had to go through, 48 hours before he got crucified.

camp made me really realise what God's love really was about. yeh before i was just like, God's love. hm ok, that's cool awesome. but now it's just hit me in the face, hard. for all the temptations that I've put in front of God. it made me feel like such an idiot. i didn't need those. i don't need any temptations. all i need is God :)

the worship sessions were really amazing. they made me feel as if for once i wanted to sing the true meanings, the lyrics, to no one but God. for once i didn't feel stupid and awkward raising my hand up to praise the Lord, but instead i wanted to stand there, in God's awe, praising him, forever. i wanted our worship to become better, and now it's really come true.

the night sessions, really impacted my camp "journey". i was afraid, shivering, praying [HEAPS], shocked, sad, ashamed, somewhat excited, and most of all, i put my trust all in God. the countless prayers i said to him, they gave me strength one by one, as if empowering me like fuel to a car. i was deathly afraid of the dark, but now i am proud to say, it might be a big deal anymore, because i know that God will shine a light as a path for me always, that he will drag me out of the darkness, letting me know that i am not alone. that he is always here for me. as he is always here for everyone :)

God, You really are wonderful, you really are beautiful. you are able to move mountains and the oceans will part for you, Lord. and most importantly, i will sing of your love forever.